Breakups and healing
Can I trust my decision to walk away from him?
Tuesday, January 13, 2026
That question, "Can I trust my decision to walk away from him?" can sit in your chest like a weight. It touches fear, grief, and the worry that you have ruined something you might never find again. This guide walks through why this question feels so heavy and how to find calm, steady trust in your own choice.
It is very common to leave a relationship and then feel unsure, even if things were painful. Many women ask themselves if they made a mistake, especially when they still miss him or feel lonely. In this guide, we will look at what this time can feel like, why it is so intense, and how you can gently check whether you can trust your decision to walk away from him.
This is not about proving you were right or wrong. It is about helping you see the full picture of what you lived through, what you need now, and what will support the woman you are becoming. You deserve a clear, kind way to look at your own choice.
Answer: Yes, you can usually trust your decision if it came from repeated pain.
Best next step: Write down the main reasons you left, in simple bullet points.
Why: Seeing patterns in writing is clearer than replaying memories in panic.
This time can feel like standing between two rooms. One is the past with him. The other is a future you cannot see yet. You may feel pulled back and forward in the same hour.
Mornings might feel heavy. You wake up and reach for your phone, half expecting his name on the screen. Nights can feel the hardest, when the house is quiet and memories feel louder than the reasons you left.
You might swing between thoughts like "I miss him" and "I cannot go through that again". In one moment you remember his soft side. In the next you remember the fights, the cold tone, the promises that never became real change.
Daily life may feel strange. Eating feels off. Sleep is broken. Work is harder to focus on. Your body is tired from many days, months, or years of stress. This tiredness is not weakness. It is your system trying to come down from being on high alert.
There can also be a quiet shame that you do not talk about. Thoughts like "Maybe I am the problem" or "I must have done something wrong" show up. You might replay every sharp word you said. You might forget the times you cried alone after being ignored, blamed, or dismissed.
Many women also feel numb at moments. You go through the motions, but life feels far away. You laugh at something and then feel guilty for laughing. It can seem strange to feel anything good when you are hurting so much.
There can be a strong urge to make the pain stop by going back. Not because it was healthy, but because it is familiar. That pull toward what you know, even if it hurt, is one of the reasons this question feels so hard to answer.
It can be confusing to miss someone who also hurt you. You may think, "If I miss him this much, it must mean leaving was wrong." But that is not what it means. Missing someone often just means you are human and you got used to having them there.
In many on and off relationships, there is a strong cycle. Things feel tense, then there is a fight, then a sweet make up period. The pain goes up and down. The good moments may feel very intense after a bad phase, so they stand out more in your mind.
This up and down pattern can create a deep tie. Your body and mind get used to waiting for the next warm moment after a cold one. When you walk away, you are not just leaving a person. You are stepping out of a pattern that your whole system has been trying to manage.
So when you ask, "Can I trust my decision to walk away from him?" you are also asking, "Can I live without this pattern that I know so well?" It is normal for that to feel scary at first.
When you spend a long time in a tense or critical relationship, your body stays tight. You might feel it as a knot in your stomach, a heavy chest, or restless sleep. Over time, this can make it hard to think clearly or remember things in a calm way.
After you leave, your body is still in that tight state for a while. This is why your thoughts might race and your feelings jump between extremes. It is harder to trust your mind when it feels like this, but that does not mean your choice was wrong. It means you need time and care to settle.
If he often blamed you, minimized your feelings, or turned things around on you, you may now doubt your own view of what happened. You might think, "Maybe I was too sensitive" or "Maybe it was not that bad".
When someone often questions your reality, you start to question yourself even when they are not there. This is one reason it can feel so hard to trust your decision now. The doubt is not proof that leaving was wrong. It is a sign that your self-trust needs gentle rebuilding.
The depth of your pain right now might scare you. It may feel like it will never end. But many people notice that this deep hurt slowly changes into something else over time. It becomes part of how they choose better for themselves in the future.
This does not mean you had to suffer to grow. It means that your mind and heart are now trying to make sense of what you lived through, so you can see patterns and protect yourself next time. The pain is not a sign that your choice was wrong. It is a sign that what you lived through mattered.
This is a hard season, but there are small, real steps that can help you answer your question with more calm. You do not have to do all of them. Take what feels possible right now.
Take a quiet moment and write down what the relationship was actually like, not just the best or worst moments. Try to stick to short, simple lines.
When you read it back, ask yourself, "If my friend showed me this, what would I tell her?" Often it is easier to see the truth when we imagine it happening to someone we care about.
A simple rule you can keep is this: If it costs your peace, it is too expensive.
It is okay to miss his voice, his jokes, or certain habits. Missing a person does not mean they were good for your long term wellbeing. It just means they were a real part of your life.
When a wave of missing him comes, you can gently say to yourself, "I miss him, and I still remember why I left." Hold both truths at the same time. You can miss him and still trust your choice.
This helps you see the difference between feeling lonely in a moment and what you need in a whole life.
When you think about going back, you might focus on a few great days and forget the pattern over months or years. A pattern is what happened most of the time, not on the best day or worst day.
If the pattern was painful, you can trust that your decision to walk away came from wisdom, not from a small mood.
It is very hard to trust any decision when you are deeply tired. Your mind will feel more dramatic when you have not slept, eaten, or moved your body in a gentle way.
This is not about "fixing" yourself. It is about giving your nervous system a chance to calm down, so your thoughts can settle a bit.
Some women feel pressure to stay friends or keep talking to their ex right away. But most of the time, steady space is what helps you see clearly. This can mean no calls, no messages, and no checking his social media for a while.
No contact does not have to be forever. It is simply a boundary to protect your healing until your feelings are not so raw. Think of it as giving both of you room to breathe and grow, instead of feeding the old pattern.
Breakups can make you pull inward and feel isolated. But healing often speeds up when you share your truth with kind, steady people.
A caring, trained therapist can help you challenge harsh thoughts like "It was all my fault" and rebuild your sense of self. They can also help you understand why you stayed as long as you did, without shame.
Trusting your decision can feel easier when you mark it in some gentle way. This does not have to be big or dramatic.
These actions can signal to your mind and body that a chapter is closing, and you are walking toward something new, even if you do not know what it looks like yet.
Sometimes it helps to learn more about attachment, boundaries, and what a healthy relationship looks like. This is not to blame you. It is to give you more tools for the future.
You might like the guide How to rebuild my life after a breakup. It speaks more about building your life again step by step after a hard ending.
Healing after walking away is not a straight line. Some days you might feel clear and strong. Other days you might cry in the shower and think about calling him. This back and forth is part of the process, not proof that your decision was wrong.
Over time, small signs show up that you are moving forward. You laugh without guilt. You go a whole morning without thinking of him. You notice you are less tense when your phone buzzes. The question "Can I trust my decision to walk away from him?" starts to feel softer in your mind.
You may also notice you become more careful in new connections. You ask more questions. You notice red flags sooner. You feel less willing to explain away disrespect or coldness. This is your pain turning into wisdom, slowly and quietly.
There is also space, in time, for new forms of love. This can be love for friends, family, hobbies, your body, your work, and eventually, maybe, a new partner who treats you with steady care. There is no rush for this. Your job now is to build a safe home inside yourself.
It is very common to still love someone you chose to leave. Love alone is not always enough to make a relationship safe or healthy. You can say, "I love him, and this relationship was not good for me." If you feel tempted to go back, wait at least 24 hours before acting and reread your list of reasons for leaving.
Instead of asking if you made a mistake, ask, "Was I mostly growing or mostly shrinking with him?" Think about how often you felt calm, respected, and supported versus tense, blamed, or lonely beside him. If the painful side was bigger over time, your decision likely came from self-protection. A helpful rule is, if you felt unsafe speaking your truth, stepping away was right.
You may want him back because your body misses what is familiar, not because it was good for you. The mind can cling to the best memories and mute the rest when you are scared or lonely. When this happens, gently remind yourself of the full picture, not just one soft weekend. In those moments, reach out to a friend instead of reaching for him.
The sharp pain you feel now will not stay this strong forever. A lot of people go through this and later notice that the pain turns into a dull ache, then into learning, then into a quiet memory. Each step you take to care for your body, your mind, and your support circle helps dull the edge. If months pass and you feel stuck in the same place, therapy or a support group can help you move again.
It is possible he may start to change, but your choice still matters. You left based on the reality you lived, not the promise of what might come later. If real change happens, it will be steady and visible over time, not just words or short bursts. Your work now is to focus on your healing, not to pause your life in case he becomes someone different.
Take five minutes to write two short lists on your phone or a piece of paper: one with "Why I left" and one with "What I need in love now". Keep it simple and honest. Put it somewhere you can read when doubt starts to rise.
In this guide, we walked through why this choice feels so hard, how to see the full truth of what you lived, and small steps to trust yourself again. Your decision to walk away did not come from nowhere; it came from the part of you that wants a kinder life.
Give yourself space for this, and let your courage catch up with your feelings one small day at a time.
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