Dating red flags
How to notice love bombing around Christmas gifts and messages
Wednesday, December 17, 2025
You might be wondering if the Christmas gifts and messages you are getting are real love or something else. Maybe it feels intense, fast, and a little unreal. You may already be asking yourself how to notice love bombing around Christmas gifts and messages before you get hurt.
Here is a simple way to hold onto yourself. When attention, gifts, and messages feel too much, too fast, and it is hard to breathe or think, it may be love bombing. Real care feels warm and steady over time, not like a sudden wave that knocks you off your feet.
In this guide, we will look at how to notice love bombing around Christmas gifts and messages, why it happens, and what you can gently do. You do not have to blame yourself. You can learn to see the signs and move more slowly, even if part of you wants to jump in.
Love bombing around Christmas often feels like a dream at first. You might be getting long good morning and good night texts every day. He may send messages all day saying how special, beautiful, or different you are.
Maybe you have only been talking for a few weeks, but he is already sending big Christmas gifts. Expensive jewelry. Tech devices. Designer things. Or very personal gifts that feel like something people usually give after a year, not after a few dates.
He might write deep, intense Christmas messages. Things like “I have never felt this way before,” “You are my soulmate,” or “I know we are meant to be” even though you barely know each other yet.
At first, this can feel exciting. You may think, “Finally, someone who chooses me,” or “Maybe this is what real love looks like.” The holiday mood, lights, and music can make it feel even more special.
And still, there might be a small quiet part inside you that feels nervous. Maybe you feel tired from all the talking. Maybe you feel pressure to answer right away. Maybe you already worry how you will ever give back this much.
That soft, uneasy feeling matters. It is often the first sign that something is off, even before your mind has words for it.
To notice love bombing around Christmas gifts and messages, it helps to look at pace, pressure, and balance. It is not only about how nice the gifts are or how sweet the words sound. It is about how it all feels in your body and how fast it is moving.
Love bombing often has a rush to it. You may have gone on one or two dates, or just started chatting, and suddenly:
If you are asking “Is this moving too fast?” that is usually important information. Healthy interest can be warm and excited, but it still respects time and space.
Love bombing does not just give. It also pulls. Maybe he sends a big gift and then hints that you owe him something. Or after a sweet Christmas message, he makes you feel guilty for not answering as fast as he wants.
Some signs of pressure can be:
If you feel nervous when your phone lights up, or you feel you must answer to keep him happy, that is not peace. That is pressure.
Another way to notice love bombing around Christmas gifts and messages is to ask, “Does he really know me yet?”
If he buys very personal or very expensive gifts, but barely knows your daily life, that mismatch can be a sign. For example:
Real love is based on seeing the whole person over time. Love bombing is based on an image, on fantasy, and on getting you attached quickly.
A very clear sign of love bombing is what happens when you put on the brakes, even gently. Maybe you say, “I need a quiet night for myself,” or “I want to spend Christmas Day with my family,” or “Can we slow this down a bit?”
If it is love bombing, you may notice:
This sharp change can be very confusing. One moment you are “the most amazing woman ever,” the next you feel like you did something wrong only because you asked for space.
It can help to remember that love bombing is often about the other person’s needs and fears, not your worth. That does not excuse hurtful behavior, but it can take away some of the shame or self-blame.
Some people feel very afraid of being alone. They want a relationship quickly to feel safe or worthy, and they use gifts and intense words to get there.
Christmas can make this stronger. The holiday season can bring up loneliness, family pain, or pressure to “have someone.” So they try to lock in a partner before the holiday ends. They might not even see that they are doing this.
If someone feels empty or insecure inside, they may try to fill that gap by making you depend on them. Showering you with attention and gifts can be a way to feel powerful, important, or special.
They may believe that if they give you a lot right away, you will stay, and they will not be left. But this is not stable. As soon as they feel safe that you are attached, they may pull back, criticize, or test you. This can leave you wondering what you did wrong.
Some people grew up seeing love as intense, all or nothing, or full of big highs and lows. Calm, stable interest may feel boring to them. So they repeat what they saw: a lot of romance at the start, and then drama when real life appears.
They may not know how to build connection slowly. Instead, they rush into “deep” talks, make big promises, and then panic when they feel real closeness. That panic can show up as pulling away, flirting with others, or blaming you.
When you get a lot of attention, messages, and gifts, your brain releases feel-good chemicals. You may feel focused on him, excited, and a bit obsessed. This can dull your logical thinking and make it harder to see red flags.
This is part of why love bombing can hook you, especially around Christmas. The holiday mood, the lights, the songs, the sense of magic all add to the high. It is very human to get pulled in by this. It does not mean you are weak or foolish.
Love bombing often feels amazing at first and then slowly becomes painful. The shift can be hard to spot right away, because you remember the sweet beginning.
You might notice yourself thinking, “Maybe it will go back to how it was at Christmas,” even when recent days have been full of tension, silence, or confusion. This can keep you stuck much longer than you want.
At first, all the praise and affection can lift your self-esteem. You feel seen and chosen. But when they pull back or start to criticize, it can crash down.
You might start to think:
This is very painful. It can make you feel like you are always one step away from losing love. Over time, you may begin to doubt your value outside of how he treats you.
Love bombing creates strong emotional highs and lows. A sweet Christmas message or surprise visit can make you feel thrilled. Then a day of coldness or silence can drop you into fear or sadness.
This constant up and down is exhausting. It can make it hard to focus at work, enjoy time with friends, or rest. You may feel like your mood depends on when he texts, what he says, or how pleased he seems with you.
As the pattern goes on, you might notice you are changing your plans more and more to suit him. You answer messages when you are tired. You cancel time with friends to be available. You give more than you can afford to keep up with his gifts.
Sometimes, love bombers also start to isolate you. They might say things like, “Your friends do not get us,” or “Your family is jealous of what we have.” Around Christmas, they may complain if you want to spend time with people you care about instead of being with them every moment.
This can slowly shrink your world. You might feel alone with your confusion, which makes it harder to trust your own view of what is happening.
You do not have to figure everything out at once. You can start with small, kind steps that help you see more clearly and protect your heart. These ideas are not rules. They are options you can try.
If part of you feels happy and another part feels uneasy, both parts deserve space. You can say to yourself, “It makes sense that I like the attention. It also makes sense that I feel nervous.”
You do not have to decide right away if it is love or love bombing. Just notice how your body feels after you talk to him or get a gift. Do you feel calm and grounded? Or tense, guilty, scared, or overactivated?
One way to notice love bombing around Christmas gifts and messages is to gently slow things down and see what happens. You might:
A caring person will respect this, even if they feel a little disappointed. A person who is love bombing may react with anger, guilt trips, or sudden distance. That reaction gives you information.
You are allowed to receive gifts and also set limits. For example, you can say, “Thank you, this is kind. I am not comfortable with very expensive gifts yet because we are still getting to know each other.”
You do not owe anyone your body, time, or commitment in return for gifts. If he hints that you do, remember that is a red flag, not a sign that you are ungrateful.
If you feel very uneasy about a gift, you can also choose to return it or not accept it. This can feel scary, but you are allowed to protect your comfort and safety.
Try to keep seeing your friends and family during Christmas, even if he wants all your time. Your other relationships help you stay grounded and give you outside views.
You might notice that after being with loved ones, you see the situation more clearly. You might think, “Actually, this is moving too fast,” or “I do not like how anxious I feel when I am with him.” There is a gentle guide on this feeling called I feel like I need too much attention sometimes.
When you are inside a love bombing cycle, it can be hard to remember how things really happened. Writing can help.
You can note what he does, how often he texts, what kinds of gifts he gives, what he says when you set a boundary, and how you feel after each time. Over days or weeks, you may start to see patterns more clearly.
Sometimes, reading your own words back to yourself makes it easier to trust your own sense of things.
You do not have to carry this alone. Sharing with a friend, a sibling, a therapist, or even an online support group can give you more clarity and comfort.
You could say, “I am getting a lot of attention and gifts, and part of me is happy, but I also feel overwhelmed. Can I talk it through with you?” A kind person will not judge you. They will listen and help you look at the situation from more than one angle.
If you are afraid of being left, you might like the guide How to stop being scared my partner will leave me.
It is okay if you are only starting to see the pattern now. You may have missed signs before. You may have wanted so badly for it to be real. That is very human. A lot of women go through this, especially when they are longing for care and safety.
Moving forward does not always mean you must end things right away. Sometimes it means taking a step back inside yourself first. You can quietly decide to watch more, ask more questions, and give yourself more time.
As you move slowly, you can ask:
Over time, your answers will guide you. You will start to trust your sense of what is healthy and what is not.
If you decide to step away from someone who has been love bombing you, there might be grief. You are not just letting go of him. You are also letting go of the dream he created at the start. That can hurt. It does not mean you made the wrong choice. It just means you are human and you cared.
If you are reading this and seeing your situation, please know you are not silly or naive. You were responding to care and attention, which are things every human needs. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel special at Christmas or any time of year.
You are allowed to ask yourself how to notice love bombing around Christmas gifts and messages without blaming yourself. You are allowed to slow things down, to say no, to return gifts, or to walk away. You are allowed to wait for a love that feels calm, consistent, and kind.
For now, you can take just one small step. Maybe you name what is happening. Maybe you tell a friend. Maybe you give yourself permission to pause before answering the next message. Whatever you choose, you are not too much, and you are not alone.
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