Breakups and healing
I still check his social media even though it hurts me
Saturday, January 10, 2026
Your stomach drops a little every time you open his page, but your hand still goes to the app. This happens more than you think, and it can feel confusing and lonely. The thought loop sounds like, "I still check his social media even though it hurts me. Why am I doing this?"
It can feel like the answer might be hidden there. Is he sad? Is he happy? Does he miss you? The question, "I still check his social media even though it hurts me" can start and end your day. Below, you will find calm, gentle steps to understand what is happening and how to give yourself some peace again.
Answer: Yes, it is very common, but it often slows your healing.
Best next step: Put one tiny pause between the urge to check and opening his page.
Why: A pause gives you choice, and choice protects your peace and self-respect.
Many women describe a tight feeling in the chest or stomach when they open his profile. There is a rush of fear and hope together, like you want to know and not know at the same time. After, there is often a heavy, tired feeling.
You might check first thing in the morning, before you even get out of bed. You scroll, see he was out late, or posted a story with friends, and your whole mood drops. The rest of the day feels off, even if nothing else went wrong.
At night, you may sit on the sofa, open the app “just for a second,” and suddenly be deep in his photos. You look at old pictures of you two and then his new posts. You compare your face, body, or life to anyone who appears near him.
Thoughts may spiral like:
Sometimes the urge to check shows up when you feel lonely, bored, or anxious. Maybe after work, when you come home to a quiet place. Maybe after seeing a couple holding hands on the street. The pull feels strong, almost automatic.
Right after you check, there might be a tiny hit of relief. At least now you know where he was last night, or if he is seeing someone. But soon after, there is usually confusion, sadness, and a sense of losing your own dignity.
You might think, “Why am I doing this to myself when I know I feel worse after?” Then the shame comes in. Thoughts like “I should be over this by now” or “I’m acting crazy” can make you feel even more alone with your pain.
It is also common to re-read old messages or look at your own posts and wonder if he is looking at them too. You imagine what he thinks when he sees your stories or photos. This keeps you tied to him in your mind, even when there is no real contact anymore.
This behavior makes sense, even if it hurts you. You are not broken for doing this. There are clear reasons it happens, especially after a breakup.
When we are close to someone, our mind and body get used to checking where they are and how they are. After a breakup, that system does not switch off right away. It keeps looking for signs of him, and social media is the easiest place to look.
In the past, your brain got used to small rewards with him. A message, a like, a sweet comment. Now, checking his page can feel like trying to get that feeling back. You might be hoping for any sign that he still cares, even a tiny one.
Breakups often feel sudden and unfair, even when they were slow. You might think, “If I just see one more thing, maybe the breakup will make sense.” Watching his posts can feel like doing “research” on what really happened.
In truth, most of the time it brings more questions, not more clarity. You start guessing stories about his life from a few photos or captions. Still, your mind keeps trying, because not knowing feels scary.
Many women quietly hope to see that an ex is sad, missing them, or “not over it” yet. You might scan his stories for songs, quotes, or moody posts and wonder if they are about you. You might feel pulled to see if he is dating, and if so, what she looks like.
The hope is that seeing the “right” thing will make you feel better. But if he looks happy or close to someone new, it can feel like being rejected all over again. If he looks sad, it might bring guilt or fresh confusion.
After a breakup, self-worth often feels shaky. You may quietly ask, “Was I not enough?” Social media offers constant material for comparison. You compare yourself to women who like his posts, his new partner, or even his friends.
Sometimes, if he looks like he is struggling, your pride may feel slightly better for a moment. If he looks fine, your pride can crash. In both cases, your sense of worth stays tied to his life, not your own.
Scrolling his page keeps your focus on him instead of on your own pain. It is easier to think about where he went on Friday than to sit with your own loneliness on the sofa. Checking becomes a way to escape stillness.
But the feelings do not disappear. They just wait. Often, after you close the app, the sadness comes back even stronger, because now you have the images and stories in your head as well.
Many people notice that the more they watch an ex online, the harder it is to move on. Each check is like a tiny thread that keeps connecting you. Over time, this can slow down your healing and make new connections feel impossible or less interesting.
One simple rule that helps many women is this: If it costs your peace, it is too expensive. Checking his social media might feel small, but if it costs you peace every time, it matters.
There is nothing wrong with you for checking. And you are allowed to want something kinder for yourself now. Below are gentle steps, not harsh rules. Take what feels possible and start small.
Instead of telling yourself “I’m just curious,” try to be honest and kind with yourself. You might say:
When you name the truth, the shame can soften a little. You see that you are not “crazy”; you are hurting and trying to cope.
Next time you close the app, pause for a moment. Notice your body and your mood. Do you feel calmer, or more upset?
If the honest answer is “more hurt,” that is important information. You do not need to blame yourself. Just let this be a gentle guide: this habit is not caring for you.
Many women think they must either stalk his page or block him completely. That all-or-nothing thinking can make it harder to change. Instead, try soft steps:
These small changes create a pause. A pause gives you a chance to choose what is kind for you in that moment.
If stopping completely feels too hard right now, you do not have to. You can start with delay. When the urge comes, tell yourself, “I can check in 15 minutes if I still want to.”
In those 15 minutes, do one tiny soothing thing:
Often the wave of feeling passes by the time the 15 minutes end. If you still choose to check, at least you practiced pausing. Over time, the pause gets easier, and the urge may feel softer.
One powerful question to ask is, “If I deeply respected myself in this moment, what would I do?” Do not judge the answer. Just notice it.
Maybe the answer is “I would close the app.” Maybe it is “I would put my phone in another room.” Maybe it is “I would message a friend and say I’m having a hard night.”
Then pick one tiny action that matches that self-respect answer. It could be:
Checking his social media is often a way of channeling grief. Your sadness and anger need somewhere to go. Instead of sending them toward his page, you can give them safer outlets.
You might try:
Grief is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you cared. Letting yourself feel it directly can slowly loosen the hold he has on your mind.
If you only “take away” checking, you are left with empty space. That emptiness can feel unbearable, and then you go back to the old habit. So, instead of only cutting it out, add gentle things in.
Think about when you usually check. Maybe it is before bed, during lunch, or late at night. Choose one small thing to do at that time instead:
If you notice that breakups shake your sense of self in deeper ways, you might like the guide How to rebuild my life after a breakup. It can give you more ideas on rebuilding your days around you again.
For some women, gentle steps are not enough. If you notice that even with muting or delaying, you still feel stuck and distressed, a stronger move might be an act of self-care, not drama.
Stronger boundaries can include:
Many women worry this looks bitter or weak. But you can frame it differently inside: “I am doing this because I need space to heal.” You are allowed to protect yourself from things that keep reopening the wound.
If you feel like you truly cannot stop, and checking is taking over your time and thoughts, this is a sign that you deserve more support. It is not a sign that you are broken.
A therapist can help you understand deeper patterns, like old attachment wounds or fears of being left, that might be making this breakup feel even harder. Support is not just for “huge” problems; it is also for these quiet, daily pains.
Some women also notice that this pattern connects to feeling very anxious in relationships in general. If that feels true for you, you might like the guide How to stop being scared my partner will leave me. It speaks to that deeper fear of being abandoned.
Healing from checking his social media does not happen in one big step. It usually happens in many small, almost boring choices. One less check today. One more pause tomorrow. One extra act of kindness toward yourself next week.
Over time, many women notice that the urge to watch him softens. There might be a day when you realize you have not looked in a week, and it did not feel like “fighting” yourself. It just did not come up in the same way.
Growth here looks like smaller emotional spikes. You may still think of him, but it does not take over your whole day. You can see a random post, feel a little pull, and still choose to turn back toward your own life.
Remember, the goal is not to erase your past. The goal is to reclaim your present attention, your energy, and your sense of self. You are moving from watching his story to living your own.
It usually means you are still attached in some way, which is very normal after a breakup. It does not mean you will feel like this forever. A helpful rule is: if checking keeps hurting you, treat it as a habit to change, not a sign that you are doomed. As you give yourself space and new routines, your feelings can shift.
Blocking can be a healthy choice if seeing his posts keeps you in pain. It is not about punishing him; it is about protecting yourself. Ask, “Would blocking give me more peace?” If the answer is yes, you are allowed to choose that without explaining it to anyone.
Many people do check on their ex after a breakup, but you cannot control or prove what he is doing. Focusing on whether he is watching you can keep you stuck in the same cycle. Instead, try to ask, “What would help me feel a bit safer today?” and act from that place, not from guessing what he might be doing.
No. Your memories and the things you shared are part of your life, even if you never see his profile again. Letting go of his social media presence is not erasing the past; it is giving the past a clear place so it does not crowd your present. You can honor what you had and still choose not to keep watching his every move.
It often feels like being rejected again, even if the breakup was not recent. Your mind can turn their photo into a story about your worth, like “she is better than me” or “I was replaceable.” In those moments, close the app and gently remind yourself, “Their story is about them, not my value.”
In the next five minutes, open your notes app and write one sentence: “When I check his social media, I usually feel…” Finish that sentence honestly, then decide one small way you can protect that feeling for the rest of today, even if it is just waiting 15 minutes before you look again.
A month from now, you could look back and see tiny signs of progress. Maybe you check a little less, or it takes less of your energy when you do. Give yourself space for this, and let each small choice be proof that you are slowly turning back toward your own life.
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