I worry I made a big mistake leaving him

You left him. Now you sit with this heavy thought. "I worry I made a big mistake leaving him." It sits in your chest when you wake up. It follows you when you try to sleep.

I want you to know this first. Feeling this way does not mean you made a mistake. It means you are human. It means you care. It means your heart and your mind are still trying to catch up with what happened.

You can miss someone and still have done the right thing by leaving. You can feel regret and still have chosen what was best for you. You are allowed to doubt yourself. You are allowed to feel unsure and still have made a wise choice.

In this guide, we will move slowly. We will look at why you think "I worry I made a big mistake leaving him" and what this thought is trying to tell you. We will not rush you back to him. We will not shame you if you do go back. We will just try to bring you closer to yourself.

What this feeling is like in daily life

This feeling often shows up in quiet moments. In the shower. On the bus. When you scroll your phone. You see his name, his photos, old messages. Your stomach tightens. You think, "What if I ruined something good?"

You might replay your last fight again and again. You hear your own words and think, "I went too far." You see his face in your mind. Maybe he looked shocked or hurt. You think, "I should have tried harder. I should have stayed."

Some days you feel sure you had good reasons to leave. Maybe he was not present. Maybe you felt lonely. Maybe there were patterns that scared you. On those days you feel a bit lighter.

Then a memory hits you. A nice day you shared. A message where he told you he loved you. How he held you one night when you cried. And your whole body aches. The thought comes back. "I worry I made a big mistake leaving him."

You might notice your body reacting too. Tight chest. Heavy arms. No interest in food. Or eating just to feel something. You may feel tired all the time. Or restless and unable to sit still.

It can also show up in how you move through your day.

• You open your chat with him and scroll old messages, again and again.
• You check his social media to see if he looks sad, or happy, or like he misses you.
• You start to write a message, then delete it.
• You talk about him with friends and then feel guilty for still thinking about him.
• You compare every man you see to him and feel no one will measure up.

On the outside, it may look like you are "over it". Maybe you are going to work. Doing your tasks. Seeing people. But inside, you feel like something is missing, and that something is him.

Why you might be thinking I made a big mistake

Regret after a breakup is very common. Even when the relationship was hard. Even when you made the choice with care. There are simple, human reasons your mind keeps saying "I worry I made a big mistake leaving him".

Your brain misses the routine of love

Your brain got used to him. To his messages. To his voice. To the small rituals you shared. Good morning texts. Weekend plans. Inside jokes.

Love gives your brain little "rewards". Warm feelings. Comfort. Safety. Even if the relationship was not always good, those small rewards were real. When you leave, your brain goes into something like withdrawal.

So when the good feelings are gone, your brain looks for them. It remembers the nice things more clearly than the painful parts. It tells you, "You lost something important. Go back and get it." That can feel like strong regret. It can sound like, "I made a big mistake leaving him."

Attachment patterns can make it feel worse

If you have anxious attachment, this time can feel especially sharp. You may feel a deep fear of being alone or being abandoned. You may worry that no one else will want you or understand you like he did.

With this kind of attachment, your mind may spin with questions.

• "What if he was my only chance?"
• "What if I expect too much from people?"
• "What if I pushed away someone good?"

These questions are not proof that you made a mistake. They are signs that your nervous system is scared. It is trying to find safety again. Often, it looks to the last person who felt familiar, even if that person also brought pain.

If you are curious about attachment, you might like the gentle guide Is it possible to change my attachment style. It talks more about these patterns in a soft way.

Being the one who left can bring guilt

If you were the one who ended things, you may feel like the "bad" one. You may see his pain, or imagine it, and feel heavy guilt. You might think, "He would still be happy if I had not left."

When you feel responsible for someone else's feelings, it is easy to think the solution is to undo your choice. Your mind says, "Go back and fix it. Then the guilt will go away." This can make your regret feel huge, even if your reasons for leaving were strong and real.

You might be grieving the future you imagined

When you were with him, you likely held a picture of the future. Maybe a home together. Maybe a family. Maybe simple things like shared holidays. Trips you planned. Everyday life side by side.

When you ended the relationship, you did not just lose him. You also lost that imagined future. Grieving that future can feel like you made a mistake. It is easier to think, "I should go back" than to sit with the pain of a future that will not happen in the way you first thought.

You may be focusing only on the good parts

When you are in pain, your mind often edits the story. It pulls forward the best memories. The tender moments. The times he showed up. It pushes back the parts that led you to leave. The loneliness. The disrespect. The mismatch. The fights that never changed.

This is not you lying to yourself. It is a normal way the brain tries to protect you. But it can lead you to believe a half-truth. "It was all good, I ruined it." When in reality, it was good in some ways and painful in others. You made a choice based on the whole story, not only the best scenes.

How this fear touches your life

When you keep thinking, "I worry I made a big mistake leaving him," it does not stay in your head only. It spreads into many parts of your life.

Your self worth can feel shaky

You might start to doubt your own judgment. You may think, "If I cannot trust myself with this, how can I trust myself with anything?" You might feel like you are "too emotional" or "too dramatic", even if you are not.

This can lead to harsh self-talk.

• "I ruin everything."
• "I am never satisfied."
• "I should have been stronger."
• "I am the problem in every relationship."

This kind of inner talk slowly wears down your self worth. You may feel smaller. Less capable. Less hopeful about love.

Your mood can swing a lot

One day you may feel steady, even proud. You remember the reasons you left. You see how you tried to talk, tried to fix things, and nothing changed. You think, "I did the best I could."

The next day, something tiny triggers you. A song. A smell. A couple holding hands. And it hits you again. The ache. The fear. "I made a big mistake leaving him." You may start crying out of nowhere. Or feel numb and distant.

These mood shifts are tiring. You may feel like you are not yourself. You may struggle to focus at work. You might cancel plans or say yes to things you do not really want, just to avoid sitting with your thoughts.

Your choices in dating can be affected

If you start dating again while this fear is still fresh, it can shape how you connect with new people.

• You might compare every new person to him and feel disappointed quickly.
• You may pull back when someone seems kind, because it feels "too soon" or "not like him".
• You might rush into something with someone else to prove to yourself you did not make a mistake, then feel even more confused.
• Or you may avoid dating at all because you do not trust yourself to choose well.

None of these responses make you broken. They just show that your heart is still trying to find its ground.

Day to day life can feel heavy

Simple tasks can feel harder. Getting out of bed. Making food. Answering texts. Your energy is not only going to your day. It is also going into thinking about him, about the breakup, about your choice.

You may also feel like other parts of your life are "on hold". You might tell yourself, "I will feel better when I know if I made the right decision." But that clear moment may not come quickly. Waiting for certainty can keep you stuck.

Gentle ideas that can help you

You do not need to stop thinking "I worry I made a big mistake leaving him" overnight. You do not need to force yourself to "move on". But there are small steps that can bring a bit more calm and clarity.

Write out the full story

When regret comes, your mind often shows only one scene. The last fight. The best weekend. The way he smiled. Writing can help you see the whole story again, with kindness and honesty.

• Write down why you first started to feel unhappy.
• List the things you tried to change or talk about.
• Note the moments you felt seen and loved.
• Also note the moments you felt small, lonely, or hurt.

Try to do this without judging yourself or him. You are not building a case against him. You are simply making space for the full truth. When you read this later, it can help balance the thought, "I ruined something perfect."

Give your brain a break from triggers

If you keep checking his social media or old chats, your brain never gets a rest. Each glimpse is like a small emotional shock. It wakes up the longing and the regret.

For a while, you might try:

• Muting or unfollowing him on social media.
• Moving old photos and chats into a hidden folder.
• Asking a trusted friend to hold any shared items for now.

This is not about pretending he never mattered. It is about giving your nervous system a chance to calm down. When your body is less triggered, your thoughts can become a bit clearer.

Talk to someone safe

Sharing your fear of "I made a big mistake leaving him" with a kind person can ease the weight. This could be a close friend, a sibling, a therapist, or a support group.

When you speak your thoughts out loud, they are not bouncing only inside your head. Someone else can hold them with you. They can remind you of things you may forget in the middle of your regret, like the times you were hurt, or the ways you grew strong.

If therapy is available to you, it can be a gentle place to look at your patterns in love. Not to blame you, but to understand what your attachment needs and fears are. That insight can bring a deep sense of peace over time.

Practice kinder self talk

Notice the way you speak to yourself when the regret rises. Would you speak that way to a close friend who was hurting? If not, then it may be too harsh for you too.

You can try simple, soft phrases like:

• "Of course I miss him. He was important to me."
• "I made the best choice I could with what I knew then."
• "It is okay to feel unsure and still move forward."
• "I can learn from this without attacking myself."

These small phrases do not erase the pain. But they create a more gentle space inside you. In that space, it is easier to see the truth of the relationship and your choice.

Care for your body while your heart heals

Breakup pain is not only emotional. It lives in your body too. You might feel tight, wired, or exhausted. Simple body care can help your system feel safer, which then makes your thoughts a bit less sharp.

• Try short walks, even for five or ten minutes.
• Drink water and eat small, steady meals, even if you do not feel very hungry.
• Take warm showers or baths to relax tense muscles.
• Do slow, deep breaths a few times a day, breathing out longer than you breathe in.

These are not quick fixes. They are small signals to your body that you are safe in this moment, even if your memories feel very loud.

Be careful with reaching out

Sometimes, regret makes you want to contact him again. Sometimes this brings clarity. Other times, it pulls you back into the same patterns that hurt you before.

If you feel a strong urge to reach out, pause first. Ask yourself:

• "What am I hoping will happen if I talk to him?"
• "What if he does not respond the way I hope? How will I feel?"
• "Am I reaching out from loneliness, or from a clear place?"

You can also write him a letter that you do not send. Say everything you want to say. Then wait a day or two. Often, giving your feelings time to settle before you act can protect you from more hurt.

Let yourself grieve fully

You did lose something, even if leaving was right. It is okay to cry. To miss him. To feel angry. To remember both the good and the bad.

You do not have to be "strong" in the way the world sometimes defines it. Real strength here might look like letting the waves of feeling come and go, and still choosing not to punish yourself for them.

There is also a gentle guide on starting again after love ends called How to rebuild my life after a breakup. It may support you when you feel ready for small new steps.

Moving forward slowly

Healing from this kind of regret is not fast. But it does shift over time. At first, the thought "I worry I made a big mistake leaving him" may feel constant. It may sit at the front of your mind from morning to night.

With time, and with small acts of care, this thought can move to the side. It may still visit. But it will not drive everything. You may notice that you can go a few hours, then a day, without feeling as pulled into it.

You might start to see the relationship more clearly. You remember not just the sweet moments, but also the times you felt unseen or hurt. You might think, "We loved each other. And there were things we could not fix." That is not failure. It is part of being human.

As you move forward, you may also notice growth in yourself.

• You set clearer boundaries in new connections.
• You listen to your needs sooner instead of pushing them away.
• You trust your inner voice a little more.
• You feel less scared of being alone with your own company.

New relationships, when they come, can also help. Not as a way to forget him, but as proof that other forms of love exist. That you can connect again in ways that feel safe and kind.

If no one new is in your life yet, that is okay too. Growth can still happen in this time. Through friendships. Through hobbies. Through learning about yourself. Through simple daily care.

A soft ending for now

You are not wrong or broken for thinking, "I worry I made a big mistake leaving him." This thought is a sign that you value love. That you take your choices seriously. That you feel deeply.

In time, this pain will not feel so sharp. The story of this relationship will become one part of your life, not the whole picture. You will not always feel this stuck. You will not always question yourself this much.

For now, you can take one small step. Maybe you write a few lines in a journal. Maybe you drink a glass of water and go for a short walk. Maybe you text a friend and say, "I am having a hard day."

You are not too much. You are not the only one who has felt this. You are allowed to move slowly. You are allowed to heal at your own pace. And you are allowed to trust that, even with doubt, you are learning how to care for yourself better than before.