Breakups and healing
You are staring at the tiny circle around their profile picture again. VICE reports that 69% of surveyed singles view an ex's social media after communication ends. This number matters deeply, reminding you that looking is a normal reaction to modern heartbreak.
In an episode of triple j's The Hook Up titled "What's The Best Way To Get Over An Ex?", the program unpacks this exact digital pain. The episode discusses contact rules, new connections, and personal development. The show frames these behaviors as connected parts of recovery rather than isolated etiquette questions.
The episode speaks to the messy aftermath of both long-term relationships and situationships. A breakup from a situationship can ache just as much as a formal split. The pain you feel is valid, and you deserve time to process it gently.
Right now your mind is probably racing to find an immediate solution to the ache. You might feel immense pressure to block them everywhere or rush into a transformation. Please know that no sudden action is required from you today.
Your overwhelmed nervous system needs safety instead of a quick fix. Healing takes time, and you are allowed to move at your own pace. The most compassionate thing you can do is simply breathe and let the dust settle.
We often think we must prove our strength by shutting a door forever. VICE notes that some people may actually need limited communication during the grieving process. You get to decide what level of quiet feels safest for your own heart.
A complete cutoff is not always possible or realistic for everyone. Shared workplaces, mutual friends, and shared spaces can require ongoing communication. If you must talk, you can still protect your peace by keeping things brief.
A few years ago, I dated someone where the chemistry was absolutely electric. It felt like fireworks, but the fallout was always smoke and confusion. I ignored the canceled plans and the sudden mood shifts.
The highs were simply too high to walk away from. It took a tearful conversation with a friend to help me see clearly. I learned that butterflies are sometimes just a warning sign for anxiety.
Learning to choose consistency over chaos changed everything for me. Moving on means questioning what you actually miss about the person. Sometimes we miss the intense high rather than the reality of the relationship.
It is okay to grieve the fantasy, but you must ground yourself in the truth. Missing someone is evidence that the connection mattered to you. It is not evidence that the relationship should magically resume today.
The idea of going no contact forever can feel terrifying right now. Try a defined period of reduced exposure instead of making a lifelong decision. Mute their account and see if your emotional steadiness improves.
The evidence shows just how common this digital struggle really is. VICE reports that 47% of respondents in the MyIQ survey acknowledged regularly viewing someone's content after communication ended. Orbiting an ex online keeps the relationship psychologically active.
VICE reports that 58% of surveyed singles said that this visibility made it harder to move on emotionally. When you see their face on a screen, your brain processes it as a fresh encounter. A temporary break from the platform can give your nervous system a chance to truly rest.
Sarah Meyer of MyIQ cautioned that a story view shows attention, not the reason behind it. A view does not mean your ex wants to reconcile or apologize. Let go of the need to interpret their online behavior today.
Cleveland Clinic recommends grounding, slowing the breath, and taking space when emotions feel overwhelming. You can start small by maintaining regular meals, hydration, and sleep. Schedule contact with one trusted person who brings you comfort.
Create phone-free periods at night to quiet your racing mind. Make a short list of tasks that restore your sense of competence. These small steps build a nurturing routine to make the first weeks less chaotic.
Understanding how attachment styles influence breakup intensity and recovery can explain why you feel so overwhelmed. Your brain is trying to make sense of a sudden loss of connection. Treat yourself with the same care you would offer a good friend.
Triple j's The Hook Up explicitly raises the question of dating after a breakup. You do not have to prove your recovery by dating immediately. Let new dating be a chosen joy rather than a compulsory test.
Ask yourself what you hope a new connection will do for you. If you are just trying to avoid being alone, it might be too soon. Trust your own readiness instead of following an imaginary timeline.
The episode's show notes direct listeners to additional material on rebound relationships. A new connection might be enjoyable, but it should not be used to suppress grief. Honest self-reflection is your best guide during this vulnerable phase.
If you are feeling intense dating fatigue, taking a break is a beautiful choice. Building your inner dating compass takes time and quiet reflection. Your worth is not defined by how quickly you find someone new.
The episode's show notes point listeners toward resources about breakup glowups. A breakup glowup can feel empowering, but it can turn recovery into a performance. You do not have to become visibly happier immediately after being hurt.
A breakup can be deeply painful and still eventually prompt useful reflection. These two realities exist together, and they do not cancel each other out. Personal development is a slow process, not an overnight demand.
Postpone major decisions until the initial emotional surge has eased entirely. Journal about your feelings without turning the exercise into self-blame. Seek professional support if your distress begins to impair your daily functioning.
Many women fall into a pattern of blaming themselves for a failed connection. Moving past rigid relationship labels in modern dating helps you see the bigger picture. The end of a relationship is just an event, not a judgment on your value.
Triple j's The Hook Up directly raises the fear that friends may tire of hearing about heartbreak. Reaching out for support can feel vulnerable when you are already hurting. You can preserve friendships by asking for consent before venting.
Try sending a text like: "Do you have capacity for ten minutes of breakup talk?" This simple question gives your friend a chance to mentally prepare. This gentle step guarantees you receive the steady attention you truly need.
You can simply say: "Can we talk about something else after I get this out?" This structures the conversation, giving you space to vent without letting the pain take over. Your friends want to support you, and clear boundaries help them do that.
If you need to contact your ex, create a quick contact pause plan first. Write down what triggered the urge and what outcome you actually want. Delaying the message until the emotional intensity falls can protect your self-trust.
If communication is absolutely necessary, keep it highly specific. Avoid asking questions that you do not truly want the answers to. A simple and factual text protects you from spiraling into a lengthy debate.
As you navigate this tender space, watch out for the urge to interpret every tiny signal. You might feel tempted to read deep meaning into a random like or view. Gently remind yourself that you do not need to solve the mystery of their behavior.
Pay attention to whether your choices make you feel calmer or more destabilized. Looking beyond chemistry shows that true peace comes from trusting your own internal compass. The best next step is always the one that makes you feel safe.
You are staring at that tiny circle around their profile picture again, but this time you know you can look away. You are safe, you are whole, and you are entirely allowed to rest. The clearest path forward is simply trusting yourself to take the next gentle step.
A collective of writers and researchers specializing in behavioral psychology and relationship recovery.
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