Dating red flags
I feel like I am always walking on eggshells with him
Monday, January 19, 2026
That feeling of “I feel like I am always walking on eggshells with him” is heavy and tiring. It can make your whole day feel tense, even when nothing is “wrong” yet. This guide walks through what this feeling means and what you can gently do about it.
Here is what helps: walking on eggshells with him is a clear sign that something in the relationship is not safe for you. It may be emotional abuse, or it may be a very unhealthy pattern, but your body is telling you that this does not feel steady. Together we will look at what your body is reacting to, why this happens, and simple steps to protect your peace.
Many women ask if this is normal, or if they are overreacting, when they think, “I feel like I am always walking on eggshells with him.” It is a fair question, especially if you care about him and do not want to leave too quickly. This guide will help you see the signs more clearly, so you can decide what is best for you with calm and care.
Answer: Feeling like you always walk on eggshells is a serious red flag.
Best next step: Write down specific moments when you felt tense or afraid.
Why: Clear examples help you see patterns and decide what you need.
Walking on eggshells is not just in your head. It is something your whole body feels. It can show up as a tight chest, a heavy stomach, or trouble sleeping. It can feel like you are always waiting for the next upset, even during quiet moments.
Maybe you pause before you speak, and think, “Will this make him mad?” You replay past talks and try to guess the right way to say things so he will not snap. After you see him, you might go home and feel drained, like you just got through an exam.
Sometimes the fear is quiet. You laugh at his jokes when they hurt you. You say “it’s fine” when it is not fine. You tell yourself, “He has had a hard day” or “I’m too sensitive” as your body still feels on edge. This is your nervous system trying to keep you safe.
There may be a pattern where small things turn into big fights. Maybe he raises his voice, goes cold, or gives you the silent treatment. Maybe he says things that cut deep, then later acts as if nothing happened. Your body remembers this even when your mind wants to forget and move on.
A lot of people go through this when they have learned that love means managing someone else’s moods. If you grew up around anger, stonewalling, or sudden blame, your body might react faster now. It is like it has learned, “Stay quiet, stay small, and maybe it will be safe.”
So when you say, “I feel like I am always walking on eggshells with him,” what you really might mean is, “My body does not feel safe to relax near him.” That is important information. Your body is not trying to ruin your relationship. It is trying to protect you.
This pattern usually does not start on day one. It often builds slowly, in small steps. At first he might seem warm, intense, or charming. Then later you notice more sharp comments, mood swings, or criticism. You start to adjust yourself around him, often without even noticing how much you bend.
One big reason this happens is that his reactions are not steady. Sometimes he is kind. Sometimes he is angry or cold. The same sentence from you can lead to a calm talk one day and a blow up the next. Unpredictable reactions make you feel like you have to scan everything you say.
This unpredictability is what makes you feel like you are walking on eggshells. You think, “If I say it this way, maybe it will be okay.” Or, “I need to keep him in a good mood.” Your energy goes into managing him, instead of being yourself.
Another reason is when he does not own his part. When he snaps, sulks, or says hurtful things, does he later say, “I was stressed, but that was not okay, I am sorry”? Or does he say, “You made me mad,” “You know how to push my buttons,” or “If you did not act like that, I would not react”?
When someone often blames you, it is easy to think, “I must be the problem.” You try harder and harder to be perfect, kinder, quieter. But nothing really changes. This is how your sense of self can slowly shrink.
Sometimes this feeling is tied to older pain. If you grew up having to read a parent’s mood, fix problems, or be the “peacekeeper,” your body might be used to walking on eggshells. Then, when you meet someone similar, the pattern feels familiar, even if it hurts.
This does not mean you are to blame. It means your nervous system learned a way to survive. Now, as an adult, you get to notice this and ask, “Does this still work for me?”
In some cases, walking on eggshells is not just “bad communication.” It can be a sign of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can include things like constant criticism, insults, guilt trips, gaslighting (making you doubt your own memory or feelings), or using anger and silence to control you.
It might also look like him checking your phone, telling you who you can see, or punishing you when you set a boundary. When this happens, fear becomes the main force in the relationship. You start to think more about avoiding trouble than about your own joy or needs.
A simple rule to remember is this: If you feel scared to be honest, something is wrong.
Every relationship has conflict. Disagreements happen. But there is a difference between normal conflict and walking on eggshells. Normal conflict might feel tense in the moment, but it is followed by repair, care, and change. You still feel safe to speak.
Walking on eggshells means fear is constant. You are not just nervous during a hard talk. You feel tense before, during, and after. You are not just worried about hurting his feelings. You are worried about his reaction to your basic truth.
This part is about small, kind steps you can take. You do not need to do all of them at once. Choose what feels most possible today.
First, give clear words to your experience. You can write in a journal or notes app. Try to answer these questions:
Writing this down helps you see patterns instead of single events. It also helps you trust your own memory, especially if he often tells you that you are “too sensitive” or “making things up.”
This is also a good place to put that simple rule: “If it costs your peace, it is too expensive.” Read it back when you start to doubt yourself.
Ask yourself some gentle but honest questions:
Your answers do not have to be perfect or clear yet. Just notice them. If your body tenses up as you read these questions, that itself is information.
If you do not feel physically afraid of him, and you believe he might listen, you can try a calm talk. Choose a neutral moment, not in the middle of a fight. Keep your words simple and focused on your feelings.
You could say something like:
Then watch his response over time, not just in that moment. Does he get defensive and say it is all in your head? Does he mock you or turn it into a joke? Or does he show real care and take steps to change, not only once, but again and again?
Real change is not one apology. It is different behavior over time.
A boundary is a line you set to protect your well-being. It is not a threat or a punishment. It is a clear statement of what you will and will not accept.
Some examples:
The key is to follow through gently but firmly. Boundaries are not about controlling him. They are about taking care of you.
This kind of situation is hard to see clearly when you are in it. Talking to someone outside can help. This might be a trusted friend, a therapist, a coach, or a support line if you feel unsafe.
When you talk, try to share concrete examples, not just “He makes me feel bad.” This helps them support you better. You might be surprised how many people have gone through something similar.
There is a gentle guide on this feeling called I feel like I need too much attention sometimes that may also help you see your needs as valid, not “too much.”
As you start to speak more clearly, set boundaries, or ask for change, pay attention to his reaction. This part can tell you a lot.
Signs he is trying to grow include:
Signs he is not safe for you include:
If you see more of the second list than the first, it may be time to plan more distance or think about leaving, with support.
If you ever feel physically unsafe, or fear that leaving will put you in danger, your first step is safety, not a deep talk. In that case, reach out to a local hotline, shelter, or trusted person and ask for help with a safety plan.
A safety plan can include things like where you could go, what you would take with you, who you could call, and how to save important numbers and documents. You do not have to do this alone, and needing help does not mean you are weak.
Healing from walking on eggshells takes time. Your body has been in “alert” mode for a while. It will not relax in one day, even if you leave the relationship or it improves. This is normal.
Over time, as you listen to yourself more, you begin to feel small shifts. Maybe you speak up one time you would have stayed quiet. Maybe you say “no” to a plan that feels bad, and the sky does not fall. These are important wins.
Healthy love will not require you to shrink to feel safe. In a steady relationship, you can disagree and still feel respected. You can say what you feel without fearing an explosion or punishment.
You might like the guide How to stop being scared my partner will leave me if fear of loss makes it hard to set limits or step away.
As you move forward, remember you do not have to decide everything today. You can take small steps, notice how you feel, and adjust. Your sense of safety and peace is a worthy guide.
Feeling like you are walking on eggshells is not an overreaction. It is a signal from your body that something feels unsafe or unpredictable. Instead of asking if you are overreacting, ask, “What is my body trying to tell me?” A clear next step is to write down real examples and share them with someone you trust.
It can be hard to tell from inside the relationship. In general, if there is constant blame, insults, guilt trips, or fear of speaking honestly, that points more toward emotional abuse than simple bad communication. Bad communication can improve when both people try. Abuse continues or gets worse when you speak up. If you feel unsure, talk to a professional or support line and share specific examples.
Only you can decide whether to stay. What matters most is whether he is truly willing to change and whether you feel basically safe while that change might happen. A simple rule is, “If nothing changed in the next year, would I still want this?” If that thought makes you feel sick or hopeless, it may be time to plan a way out with support.
Love does not turn off just because there is pain. You might be attached to the good moments, the hope of change, or the version of him you saw at the start. This does not mean you should ignore fear. You can love someone and still decide they are not good for your mental and emotional health.
Trusting yourself again starts with small, daily choices. Notice when something feels wrong and practice acting on that feeling in small ways, like saying no to a plan or taking space from a draining chat. Over time, each small act becomes proof that you can listen to yourself. Healing is not fast, but it is real, and your inner signals can grow strong again.
Open a note on your phone and write the sentence, “I feel like I am always walking on eggshells with him because…” Then list three real moments that made you feel tense or afraid. Do this gently, without judging yourself, and just let the truth land on the page for now.
If you feel tight and small around someone, that feeling matters. If you feel scared to speak your truth, it is okay to pause and protect yourself. You are allowed to take your time.
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